You left me incomplete, all alone as the memories now unfold.
“I’ve got secrets from you, you’ve got secrets from me.”
Looking in as an outsider I have seen you slip. Are you really happy, or just trying to forget? Every joyful moment is reciprocated
by a desperate and lonely thought. Force it out of your mind, shove it all inside. If we all changed to the lifestyle You’re suggesting, what would be the end result? Would we be perfect plastic hiding our grief in a shell of a conscience until it bursts at the seams? I can’t believe I let you do this to me (us) Taken advantage of forced “I love you” and broken goodbyes. Love is such a game to you. Like a bullet ripping through my life. Opening the gates to a river, washing away your green disguises that seem to control my life. The goal seems to be gaining everything for yourself. And in the end, you will have nothing but yourself.
I will tear everything about your cold blackened way of life out of my heart. Only then will I achieve satisfaction in my life.
You don’t control me anymore. I saw the fire that once stirred in your heart become extinguished by good intentions and impressions.
You made your choice and
now you wish you could go back
You made you choice and now you can’t go back destroying your self worth
I refuse to feel sympathy for your life, of not caring and bad decisions. Everything I touch falls to pieces.
“A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world.”
― Jack Kerouac
We both know your words are empty air. You give me nothing.
In one single moment your whole life can turn ‘round
I stand there for a minute starin’ straight into the ground
Lookin’ to the left slightly, then lookin’ back down
World feels like it’s caved in – proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she’s lookin’ straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she’s lookin’ down at her feet
So then I move my hand up from down by my side
It’s shakin’, my life is crashin’ before my eyes
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh
‘Cause I can’t imagine my life without you and me
There’s things I can’t imagine doin’, things I can’t imagine seein’
It weren’t supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I beg you please
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she’s blessed with She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushin’ my hand away to my chest, from hers And I’m just standin’ there, I can’t say a word
‘Cause everythin’s just gone
I’ve got nothin’
Tryin’ to pull her close out of bare desperation
Put my arms around her tryin’ to change what she’s sayin’
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in
Look into her eyes to make her listen again
I’m not gonna fuckin’, just fuckin’ leave it all now
‘Cause you said it’d be forever and that was your vow
And you’re gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You’re well out of order now, this is well out of town
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight
Turns around so she’s now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away
I know in the past I’ve found it hard to say
Tellin’ you things, but not tellin’ straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away I know I want to make you see how much this pain hurts.
I miss you so much that it feels like I can’t breathe.
It saddens me to know that I’m 3 weeks removed from one of the worst days of my life that coincides with the anniversary that was one of the best days of my life.
It’s been 3 weeks since you abandoned me over your own skewed reasons that dont hold any weight whatsoever. And it would have been our anniversary today. But that isn’t the point, I’ve been trying to purge a lot by writing here, never knowing if you’re reading or if there’s any shred of caring left in your heart that you actually feel bad about any of this, or that you feel remorse or something not intertwined with completely unfounded disdain of what ever you projected onto me when you think of me. I just know that one day you’re here and I spend every waking moment with you, and the next your gone and your absence beats inside my chest with such ferocity that I have a hard time coping with the loss, it’s like you vanished off the earth and I’m left with your ghost and memories of us. I never ever regret things in my life but this is one thing where I’m to the point I almost do and want to use that word, how some days I wish I ignored that message and never met up with you and went to that bar where our worlds collided for a weekend which turned into a year, but now I think that this all the same way you met him most likely, which hurts and tears at me from the inside out because you didnt even give me the chance like you promised. You broke that promise and surreptitiously betrayed and lied to me because of all your unhappiness you projected on me. I want to apologize but at the same time I dont feel like I should, all these words dont amount to anything if you wont open your heart and just listen and think for a moment, not mask it by jumping in a bed with another man or running halfway across the country leaving someone who truly cared about you behind. I have so much more, but theres time for that.
It would be nice if I could make it one week without crying over you still.
When did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you’re as happy as you’re pretending.